day after

Ok so I'm in freak out mode for no reason today! I don't know what the deal is, but all I want to do is see Christa!!!! and kiss her, and talk to her, and hold her, and just be with her! at the same time I'm terrified that I have fallen for her and that she might break up with me because she thinks I'm a bad kisser, or she didn't feel anything when we kissed, or a thousand other reasons. I don't understand what is wrong with me that last two days I am just a complete mess and it doesn't make sense!!!! I told her that she should feel free to call me tonight. I hope she does I think just hearing her beautiful voice will calm me down a bit.

update: I think the kissing made me high and I had a reaction to that and wanted more! I really do like kissing her, but It's ok for us not to be together everyday. I just want to be able to enjoy my time I do have with her!!!

Kissed!!!

So I woke up today just feeling like shit. I didn't want to go to church or even get out of bed. It was one of my crappy moods I sometimes get in, but I forced myself up out of bed and to church and thank goodness I did!!! Christa literally spent the whole day trying to cheer me up. Isn't she amazing! We got pizza and beer and made probably one of the best pizza I have ever had. we danced around and played with the cats at her house. We then went shopping at Home Depot and Goodwill where she bought a really cute skirt. Then we went back to her place and I fixed her dresser and then we did Common prayer and cuddled. Then I made the best choice of my life and kissed her. We then spent a significant amount of time kissing before my uncle Rex called and we had to go rescue him from his broken down motorcycle. Then when we got back we ate dinner, and watch two episodes of Doctor Who(the empty child) and kissed some more! I felt like a horrible kisser at first and still kind of do. I haven't kissed anyone since Kate in High school. That was like 6-7 years ago!!! I hope she enjoyed it though, she said she had been waiting for me to do it for a month! She giggles whenever I kiss her on the check its sooo cute! I could literally kiss her all day long! I'm glad I choose to kiss her, she is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday

Today was really nice. She helped me pick out new glasses and then I made us dinner, and we just hung out and watched Doctor Who, talked about our relationship and marriage, and did devos outside. I didn't end up kissing her, but I have decided that I am going to. I just need some of the chances I have had already to happen again. I'm not to worried it will happen when it happens.

Friday night

Well ended up going over to her house and we just hung out and watch Doctor Who for like four hours! It was awesome. There were two or three times though where I was about about 100% sure she was wanting me to kiss her...maybe I should. I mean I really want to, but I just don't know how I feel about it. I'm going to pray about it tonight and see if in the morning I have a peace about it. I really like her and just am overwhelmed by how amazing she is. If I was to kiss another girl I would want it to be the person I could marry and I could definitely see myself marrying her. God I just ask for your guidance and wisdom and if I do kiss her that it be sweet and romantic and that she enjoy it.

Thursday

Well apparently she called me last night and my phone didn't ring...I feel bad I really want to try and pray with her as much as possible. Also I think she is having a really busy day. She sent me a really short response to my morning message which I personally thought was unique and good today, and then I sent her a little encouragement just now and she didn't respond. That's perfectly fine because she has a ton going on tonight and I am going to be talking to her later after young adults group. which sadly she can't make it to. I just wish I knew if she was having a good day or not....regardless I'm going to keep praying for her and hoping that it's a good day, and that if I cross her mind at all that it's in a good way!

update: well talked to her tonight, she worked 12 hours today!!! dang she needs a new job...thankfully it sounded like today was a good day. She sounded like she was in a good mood, and yea, she didn't really want to do Genesis tonight or even pray, though we did, we might hang out tomorrow though!!! Yay and extra day with her!!! Everyday I realize just how much I like her and it scares me more and more because I could get seriously hurt in this relationship. I fear every moment that she will change her mind and not want to pursue this any more. Tonight at small group they prayed that I have wisdom in leading this relationship. Have I been leading it? what does that look like and how can I be a Godly leader of it?...God please help me in these areas, and please bless our relationship. please let me stop worrying and just trust you.

lunch

Well we went for lunch today at Bruegger's again. It was fun except I had to wait for an hour for her to get there...We went for a little walk and just talked. It was nice. The last few good times we have hung out she has given me this look a few times that makes me think she wants me to kiss her...maybe I should. I mean I really like her, but kissing is very personal for me. Maybe...

update: well she called me on her way home and we talked for awhile! I'm still concerned that we might not have anything to talk about when we talk on the phone.... Anyway she was supposed to call me to pray tonight, but she hadn't before 12:25 so I sent a message and she saw it right away. So either the message woke her up or I miss judge.... Oh well I hope she sleeps well and enjoys her work event tomorrow! I really can't wait till Saturday when we get to hang out!!!!

the day after

Ok I'm so confused she messages me saying she doesn't have to clean Saturday, and then when I ask her if that mean she wants to hang out more she goes "maybe" Why do I just feel like she wants me out of her life right now...maybe thats what I should do for her sake...

Ok well I'm an idiot! we are going to do lunch tomorrow, we talked on the phone for like an hour and a half, and we are going to make Saturday a great day! I really need to stop worrying about things and just enjoy the fun that dating Christa is.