update

Well we hung out monday and tuesday. I helped her pack up some stuff to help her move and just lived life. it was nice! The trip to South Dakota is frustrating because we still don't know if we are going because she STILL hasn't asked her boss....frustrating!!! I might not know before I leave for California! I have really enjoyed the last few times we have gotten together. It hasn't been stressful in the slightest. I also had coffee with Ella on Monday and realized just how much I like Christa and how beautiful I think she is. ella was still really pretty, but not on the same level!

update

so Friday night I was supposed to go over and help her pack, but she ended up not getting done with work till 1030. I went over to her office and just waited with her. We then went back to her place and watch an episode of Doctor Who and hung out a little.

Saturday we went to the Iowa State Fair. It was a lot of fun. We had chick-a-fil for lunch. it was the first time for her! then we saw bunnies, sheep, horses, art, history, and just tons of stuff. It was a blast. I bought her a necklace and a knife. We didn't get home till like 2am though...long day.

Sunday I went over to her house for lunch with three of Andy's friends from Grace and Derek and Angela. It was a lot of fun. So many people!!! Then Christa went to clean I came back to my house and did some work and took a nap. When I woke up from the nap I was just not in a good mood and really looking forward to just hanging out with her. Well she changed plans and we went over to the Hillmers for a Mallian tea ceremony. It was actually pretty fun. I made those yummy italian sandwiches for everyone and Bethany found a weird version of the Bible that we all read from which was pretty fun. Then we went back to Christa's and watch some Who and had tea. I didn't leave to 130! I need to sacrifice and leave earlier. I'm tired of feeling like a jerk when I leave because its soooo late! It was nice. I'm supposed to go over tonight and finally help her pack! I need to check with her though because during the week you never know how she could be feeling after she gets off work.

Wednesday

Wow, lunch today was alot of fun. We walked over to a place called foodies, it was delicious, she just seemed like she was in a good mood and generally happy to see me. We just seemed to enjoy each other's company. I took a really cute picture of her and really wanted to brag online about how lucky I was, but she didn't like the picture and asked me to take it down....I hope it was just because she didn't like how she looked like she claims. i thought she looked cute, but I guess my opinion doesn't count :(

Well she didn't want to come over tonight, but that's fine, we talked on the phone for like an hour and it was a very enjoyable conversation. We did talk about our biggest problems with each other, mine being her job, and her's being that we might spend too much time together. I just really like being around her. I really hope I don't drive her away because of that...God please let me learn to respect her space and give her the time and space she needs when she needs it, please let her see my point a view, and know I am trying. I really really like her and don't want to screw this up. God please let us both just figure this out as we go.

Tuesday night

So we talked about talking tonight, and when she finally called me she just seemed annoyed, pissed, and like I was the last person she wanted to talk to. What the crap! I'm so confused right now. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing, but I'm pretty sure there is something....God please don't let things go south between us, I have decided to love her, and the fear of losing her terrifies me. I know you are good and if that does happen it will be for both our benefits, but God please give it all the chance of success and of your blessing. Idk what is wrong right now, but whatever it is please God take care of it, resolve it, and heal whatever hurt has been dealt.

Well both Pat and Jeff have raised the issue if it's ok for me to sleep on the couch at Christa's I really don't think it's the big of a deal, but I can see their point that it could damage our witness and be disrespectful to her parents. I feel like I should talk with her about this more, but its such a small issue that I think I'm just going to say I'm not going to sleep over any more.

Friday-Saturday

So we weren't planning on hanging out, and then we were going to get together and watch Doctor Who, but then she invited me out to her friends Jen's bf birthday party. I really didn't want to go, but I'm glad I did. It was a ton of fun, and it was honestly one of the first time I felt like we were a couple. She wasn't ashamed of me, and embraced our being together. We then went back to her place and watch some Parks and Rec and then kissed and cuddled. I slept on the coach because I was tired and and in a good state to drive home.

Today was kind of crappy. I loved seeing her this morning. We did Common prayer together and ate breakfast. I then did yoga, showered, and loaded the dishwasher for her. I then came back home, ate lunch, played some fifa, worked out, and took a nap. Unfortunately that's where my dad went bad. I talked to her around 8-9pm and we planned on praying together tonight, but while waiting for her to call, I ended up looking at porn and maturbating.....I feel horrible, I changed the password to ThinkofChrista. I hope that helps prevent any future mess ups....

Well Tuesday was fun, we got together and did yoga, which surprisingly was a work out and it was relaxing! who knew? we had dinner, and watch some Doctor Who and cuddled/kissed and just talked. It was alot of fun. Wednesday however she was stressed from work like she was the one Monday...I still have know idea what to do when she gets like that. Star gazing was a disaster. It was cloudy, she was in a bad mood, and the cops got called on us, we didn't get in trouble though because we weren't doing anything illegal. We left quickly and went back to her house. we just talked a little bit, and then we watch some parks and rec, and cuddled/kissed. I then spent the night on the coach because I was tired. It was nice seeing her first thing in the morning. I just hope it didn't freak her out. She did offer... I talked about alot of things with Levi today just getting his advice, and such. My conclusion I really like Christa(possibly more) and could definitely see myself marrying her. We will see though, he said the lovey dubby feelings disappear around month 3 and thats when you choose to love them even if you don't feel like it.

day after

Ok so I'm in freak out mode for no reason today! I don't know what the deal is, but all I want to do is see Christa!!!! and kiss her, and talk to her, and hold her, and just be with her! at the same time I'm terrified that I have fallen for her and that she might break up with me because she thinks I'm a bad kisser, or she didn't feel anything when we kissed, or a thousand other reasons. I don't understand what is wrong with me that last two days I am just a complete mess and it doesn't make sense!!!! I told her that she should feel free to call me tonight. I hope she does I think just hearing her beautiful voice will calm me down a bit.

update: I think the kissing made me high and I had a reaction to that and wanted more! I really do like kissing her, but It's ok for us not to be together everyday. I just want to be able to enjoy my time I do have with her!!!

Kissed!!!

So I woke up today just feeling like shit. I didn't want to go to church or even get out of bed. It was one of my crappy moods I sometimes get in, but I forced myself up out of bed and to church and thank goodness I did!!! Christa literally spent the whole day trying to cheer me up. Isn't she amazing! We got pizza and beer and made probably one of the best pizza I have ever had. we danced around and played with the cats at her house. We then went shopping at Home Depot and Goodwill where she bought a really cute skirt. Then we went back to her place and I fixed her dresser and then we did Common prayer and cuddled. Then I made the best choice of my life and kissed her. We then spent a significant amount of time kissing before my uncle Rex called and we had to go rescue him from his broken down motorcycle. Then when we got back we ate dinner, and watch two episodes of Doctor Who(the empty child) and kissed some more! I felt like a horrible kisser at first and still kind of do. I haven't kissed anyone since Kate in High school. That was like 6-7 years ago!!! I hope she enjoyed it though, she said she had been waiting for me to do it for a month! She giggles whenever I kiss her on the check its sooo cute! I could literally kiss her all day long! I'm glad I choose to kiss her, she is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday

Today was really nice. She helped me pick out new glasses and then I made us dinner, and we just hung out and watched Doctor Who, talked about our relationship and marriage, and did devos outside. I didn't end up kissing her, but I have decided that I am going to. I just need some of the chances I have had already to happen again. I'm not to worried it will happen when it happens.

Friday night

Well ended up going over to her house and we just hung out and watch Doctor Who for like four hours! It was awesome. There were two or three times though where I was about about 100% sure she was wanting me to kiss her...maybe I should. I mean I really want to, but I just don't know how I feel about it. I'm going to pray about it tonight and see if in the morning I have a peace about it. I really like her and just am overwhelmed by how amazing she is. If I was to kiss another girl I would want it to be the person I could marry and I could definitely see myself marrying her. God I just ask for your guidance and wisdom and if I do kiss her that it be sweet and romantic and that she enjoy it.

Thursday

Well apparently she called me last night and my phone didn't ring...I feel bad I really want to try and pray with her as much as possible. Also I think she is having a really busy day. She sent me a really short response to my morning message which I personally thought was unique and good today, and then I sent her a little encouragement just now and she didn't respond. That's perfectly fine because she has a ton going on tonight and I am going to be talking to her later after young adults group. which sadly she can't make it to. I just wish I knew if she was having a good day or not....regardless I'm going to keep praying for her and hoping that it's a good day, and that if I cross her mind at all that it's in a good way!

update: well talked to her tonight, she worked 12 hours today!!! dang she needs a new job...thankfully it sounded like today was a good day. She sounded like she was in a good mood, and yea, she didn't really want to do Genesis tonight or even pray, though we did, we might hang out tomorrow though!!! Yay and extra day with her!!! Everyday I realize just how much I like her and it scares me more and more because I could get seriously hurt in this relationship. I fear every moment that she will change her mind and not want to pursue this any more. Tonight at small group they prayed that I have wisdom in leading this relationship. Have I been leading it? what does that look like and how can I be a Godly leader of it?...God please help me in these areas, and please bless our relationship. please let me stop worrying and just trust you.